Rachel: I'm Living a Life I Didn't Think Was Possible

Before I arrived at ACUTE, my life revolved around my eating disorder. Anorexia prevented me from participating in the things I love and from being around my loved ones – it took over my entire life. My eating disorder kept me hostage, and I only did what it told me to do.

After graduating high school, I was battling an active eating disorder. Despite this, I was able to convince my parents that I needed to pursue my education away from home. My parents reluctantly agreed, probably hoping that college life and a sense of independence might inspire recovery.

What actually happened was the exact opposite. When I was away at college I became even more consumed by my rituals and disordered eating behaviors. I would spend all my time out of class exercising at the gym and walking miles around campus. It caught up to me in no time. Around halfway through the semester my parents came to visit, and I pleaded to go home with them. Somewhere deep inside I knew that if I stayed, I would die. Even though my parents didn’t completely understand, they could tell I was struggling and welcomed me back home. This would be my first step in the right direction, even if I didn’t know it yet.

Once I got home, not much changed. I continued overexercising and fell back into a pattern of disordered eating. Everyone around me, including my parents and doctors, told me that I was extremely sick. They wanted me to receive treatment, but internally I was struggling to choose between the comfort of my eating disorder and receiving care.

Luckily, we had connections with the owner of a facility in New York. Once we reached out and she heard about my low weight and the extent of my eating disorder, she immediately recommended ACUTE. Faced with the severity of my eating disorder, my father strongly encouraged me to go to ACUTE. It was a difficult decision, but I chose to go to ACUTE to receive the help I desperately needed. Without it, I might not be here today.

I flew to Colorado with my parents, and we were escorted from the airport by Denver Heath's private transportation. When I arrived to ACUTE, nurses were waiting to welcome me. The eating disorder voice was already panicking: how would I burn calories? My mother was crying tears of relief that I was finally getting treatment, but I was anything but relieved. All I wanted to do was run. I wanted to go home. I wanted the comfort of my eating disorder.

Thankfully, the compassionate staff at ACUTE knew exactly how to handle my situation and helped me take my first steps toward recovery. Even though I was struggling to come to terms with my eating disorder, the staff was there to assure me I would be okay. I was being treated by the most knowledgeable doctors in the world. I knew I was in good hands, and that with their guidance I could do this. Every single staff member is educated in the treatment of eating disorders. Those of us struggling with eating disorders have many fears about treatment, and the staff at ACUTE considered these throughout my stay. They viewed me as a unique person and my treatment plan reflected that. Each staff member took the time to get to know me and understood every discomfort, pain and hardship of my recovery. Every day was a personal challenge, but it was a challenge I was willing to meet in order to get my life back.

ACUTE completely changed my life. If it wasn’t for ACUTE, I wouldn’t have my life back. I might not even be here to share my story. ACUTE saved my life. They showed me that recovery was possible. They were with me on every good and bad day and shaped me into the person I am today.

When I left ACUTE, I was still recovering. I wouldn’t describe recovery as easy because it isn’t. It requires you to face discomfort and pain with dedication and a fighting spirit. Even though it hasn’t been easy, it has been worth it. I have had a couple little relapses, but they haven’t stopped me from continuing my recovery. They’ve allowed me to recognize where I started and inspire me not to give up.

After two years, I can now say that I am doing everything I love. I am going shopping, traveling, going to the beach, exploring nature, going to music festivals, going to nice restaurants and so much more. I am studying at my university and have rekindled old relationships with friends and family who I missed. I’m living a life I didn’t think would ever be possible.

Laurie Anderson said it best: “Living with an eating disorder takes extraordinary fortitude. And when that energy can be circumvented in a different way, incredible things happen.”